Yes, we unashamedly spoofed Chick-Fil-A and Chipotle. Whatever. (An OOC Eagle Hunting and Modern-Day Conveniences Log)
This is an OOC RP. No foxes or eagles or kitties were actually harmed in the making of this log.
Happens after this log: http://rwmuck.limitless.org/rwmuck/content/so-thats-where-liam-had-gone-...
Bandit the fox and Markus the fox. Riana the golden eagle and Blisa the cat.
It was time to admit that Bandit had a problem.
The fox exits the Pigeon-fil-a with a soft sigh of contentment. The head guard was always a bit of a glutton...ok, a glutton...fine, a very large glutton, but ever since he found this new app for his phone showing all the lovely eateries in Ferrevale the fox practically exploded.
Rolls of flesh compound the fox's frame, giving him a slight hunch in trying to carry all of it. From his second chin to his flank to even his tail Bandit was a well rounded pear shaped creature with a belly so large that it hung to his knees if he leaned over too far.
The blue tabard hid the lack of chain mail protection, a luxury he could no longer fit into these days.
Stuffed and glutted Bandit picks his teeth as he pulls out his phone to check his email...
Latest email: "NEW RESTARAUNT IN TOWN!" It gives clear directions to a new burrito place, called Sweet Hot Chile, on the road from Ferravale to the highway!
Go figure.
Out in the woods, a huge female golden eagle smiles to herself. Trap set. Fortunately for her, this eatery (that specializes in food marinated in chipotle peppers) actually has just opened. Like, 3 minutes ago.
She stretches her wings. In the prime of her life, full of health and power, Riana can't wait to make a meal out of an extremely overweight fox.
He deserves it for being so fat and greedy.
The fox rubs his chin. His stomach groans at the thought of another heavy meal so soon after the last. But there is no harm in just, checking it out, is there? Besides, he could use the exercise, even if that exercises just leads him to another meal.
Deciding that life is too short anyway Bandit whistles as he trots along the road to the highway.
How little did he know that statement to be true...
Riana launches herself from the tree she's been perched in for the last 3 hours and flies high into the sky. Looking down, she spots the fox, and grins with delight. He's even chubbier than she expected! How wonderful! She never could get the part of the app that's SUPPOSSED to let her take pictures of her prey to work, so she didn't know how big he actually is. She decides to let him in on a "secret"....after a few minutes, the malware/Best-Eateries-Ever app rings to alert the vulpine to a (be still my racing heart) shortcut. Smart phones really are smart, huh?
The Darth Vader Theme plays as the fox takes the phone out of his pocket. By then he is gasping for breath and wiping his brow. Why didn't he take a car? Walking is for the birds!
Gathering his strength Bandit turns for the short cut.
No, flying is for birds. Good thing Riana can't hear his thoughts (although apparently her crazy uncle is trying to come up with that. Last she heard, he had burned all his feathers off. For the 10th time). The eagle follows the fox, who is unwittingly headed far away from the road for a clearing that has the closest cell phone tower in the middle of it.
The fox continues to half trot half waddle down the path, tongue hanging out the side of his mouth as he goes. The fox arrives shortly into the clearing, scratching his head and looking at his app. "Oh lovely. I just LOVE gps. Lazy programmers." Half way into the clearing and still finding nothing the fox turns and marches back the way he came, grumbling as he goes.
Riana suddenly plunges to the ground, wings tucked at her sides. At the last second, she spreads her wings and lands in front of the fox! Wind blows over him with enough force to knock over a smaller creature, and she screeches challengingly.
The fox is knocked over onto his rump. His eyes look up, lips quivering with terror. An eagle! A fox eating eagle! No, no, the city guard's sensitivity training has taught Bandit to not assume that a large, claw filled eagle landing in front of him and clearly intending to eat him is actually going to eat him. Perhaps it is just saying...hello?
Probably not but the fox doubts he could out run an eagle even in prime health. Instead he get's back to his feet, swallowing nervously, "G-good evening there...uh, ma'am. Nice night for a stroll?"
That was....unexpected. Riana was expecting him to run away in complete terror, but instead he's trying to be....civil? Um....... The eagle folds her wings. She's actually a little younger than him, at 8 seasons of age. "Have you not heard of me? I am the great Riana Thunderbolt! Hunter from the Northlands! Terror of Mossflower Woods! Predator of greedy beasts from your, uh, city thing. FEAR ME!!" She spreads her wings again for effect.
The fox gulps, but still continues to smile. He passes a glance over her shoulder towards the tree line. Too far. His only chance is to hide in the cell tower. "Pr-predator of greedy beasts? Well you will be happy to know there are no greedy beasts here. Just the head guard of the city thing, er village back there." He begins to step backwards, towards the tower. "Call me Bandit by the way. Say, are you hungry? I heard there is a great chili place here...somewhere. I ...I can buy you a bowl. Sounds good, r-right?"
Riana stalks forward, actually getting very irritated with this stupid vulpine. "Just.....no. Hold still!!!!" She dashes forward, looking very ticked off. She goes to grab him, but running isn't exactly what most birds are known for, so she starts flapping her wings to help with her momentum.
The fox yips in fright. The time to talk was done. It was time to flee! Fat as he may be Bandit is very adept at survival with a life time of experience under his belt!
Unfortunately he also has a life time of glut under his belt and it proves to be his undoing. When he turns to flee he stumbles forward onto his stomach and simply...lays there. There is a moment of awkwardness before the fox wriggles his arms and feet about in the air. Unfortunately his paws can not quite reach the ground and he sits there rather helpless. "Ah...pellets..." He says with a sigh, "This...this just isn't fair. This isn't FAIR!"
Riana can't help it; she bursts out laughing. She's feeling so mad at him she wants to cause him more than just physical pain; she want's to cause emotional and mental agony, as well. She flips him over onto his back and pins him down. "Any last words, Oh Noble Fox?" Sarcasm becomes her....about as much as it does anyone else.....
The fox continues to struggle, waving his arms and legs in the air until the futility of it all hits him. He swallows nervously. There has to be a way out, there always has to be a way out. "I don't...I don't suppose I could convince you to not eat me?" He laughs nervously. "So it looks like you caught the fox. Huzzah. So, is it the stew pot with me? Maybe a nice roast? Or are you just going to..." He gulps, trying not to imagine which part of him is going to get eaten first. "I don't suppose I can convince you to give me one last meal?" He tries weakly.
"You've had, like, 20 last meals! No! No more food for you! WHY AM I TALKING TO YOU LIKE MY BABY SISTER??????" Riana slams him into the ground as punishment for making her talk like that. "Ungrrrrrrrrr. No! Your days are over!"
The fox lets out a loud whine, as he is pushed further into the ground. It causes him to roll over onto his back. "O-oh yeah? What? Do you expect me to beg?" His defiance loses it's luster as he whimpers, "Cause I will totally beg if it helps." Arms stretched out behind him the fox gives the eagle a pleading look. "I...I don't want to be eaten! Th-think about what your baby sister would say if she could see you now! I'm sure she doesn't want me to be eaten!" The fox is grasping at straws now.
"You're right, she wouldn't want me to eat you. She'd be yelling her fluffy little head off to try to make our parents make me give you to her. Dumb tattletale--WHY AM I TELLING YOU THIS?!" Riana brings her deadly hooked beak down so close to the fox's face she's almost touching his nose with it. Flattery might work..... "Good bye." She raises back up and goes to strike the killing blow...
The fox's ears fall back, paws stretched out above him and eyes wide with terror. "No please! We can talk about this! Wait! Ah pellets..." The beak comes down on the fattened midsection of the beast, tearing into his belly as easily as it tears through his cloth tabard.
As the fox meets his end his phone flies from his pocket, bouncing once or twice until it comes to a stand still, the record light flashing...
Time passes....
3 days, actually....
In Ferravale, Blisa is anxious. Chewing on her thumbclaw, she paces in her living room, ripped blue jeans and black polo shirt doing nothing to hide her stiff muscles.
Kicking off her pink tennie shoes, she sits down on the floor and hugs her tail. Her bodyguards are outside, working on the garden on this nice day, but she's too nervous to join them.
What on Earth could've happened to Bandit????
She hopes the search parties come back soon....
Markus the fox hesitates before he walks into the chieftain's household. The quarter master of the guard the red fox has a stocky build, muscled from training but fleshed from sitting behind a desk. After a few words with the guards he is brought to the chieftianess in training's room. He knocks on the door before entering, "Blisa...a word. We...we think we found him Ma'am." The fox however holds out a torn tabard in his paws. "I'm sorry...there...there isn't..." He swallows.
The cat leaps up when she hears his voice, then just stands there in shock, staring at him. "Wha.....did.....did you find his phone? Maybe....maybe we could....see what activity.....oh, poor Bandit..." she goes to peer at the tabard, fiddling with the gold whale tail pendant on her necklace. "....what an awful fate....."
"Indeed." The fox nods, "A fate every fox fears. Death from above. With all the claws and the beaks stripping flesh from your bones and..." He pauses, realizing his audience. Coughing politely he says, "All we found were what they didn't find tasty...which wasn't much. His clothes, his watch, and his phone." He hands it over but doesn't let go yet, "I have to warn you, it recorded the event. All of it. Even the squigly bits I'm sure your father doesn't like you to see. Are you...sure you want to see it?"
Grabbing the phone, Blisa glares at the fox. "You've already viewed it? What did this to him? Did it share its name?" she pulls out her own phone and starts typing notes out into it with her favourite note-taking app. Sliding around a little in her pink-sock covered feet, she looks back up at him, brow furrowed over her sad green eyes. She did sort of like that bandity fox....
The quartermaster cringes, instead of answering he simply plays the last recording of Bandit's final meal, which was, himself being eaten by a bird. A while passes and the fox turns it off when the bird starts to eat him. "And there you have it. It goes on like that for a while. Bandit was a rather large fox after all." Markus shakes his head. "What are your orders Blisa?"
Flopping to the floor, Blisa plays with the poufy fur at the end of her tail as she thinks. Looking up at the fox, she says quietly, "We need to warn everyone to not go outside of the village alone. They need to be in groups no smaller than 4." she takes the phone and starts looking through his apps.
Meanwhile, out in the woodlands, Riana has finally figured out how to take pictures with the malware app and does so with Bandit's phone....and gets the shock of her life when she sees the unsuspecting cat's face on her screen. "Well well......what have we here...." She makes the app let Bandit's phone know about a great new deal at Pigeon-Fil-A.....
Markus raises an eyebrow at the phone as it chimes. "Looks like food is calling for Bandit even from the grave." He shakes his head. "Gluttonous c-...no, it does not bode well to speak ill of the dead." With a sigh he says, "I will make sure the guards get your orders ma'am."
"Wait a second...." Blisa fiddles around with the phone somemore and finds the activity log of stuff used. "Hey.....that app was used right before Bandit......what does this app even do?"
Meanwhile, Riana sends a text to Markus, alerting him about a new Awesome-Food-That's-Nearby app that's free in the app store! The same one that just chimed mere moments ago....
The cat shakes her head. "Something seems suspicious here......what do you know about this app? I mean, really?" She doesn't trust it. Not. 1. little. solitary. bit.
The fox shrugs, scratching his chin, "I'm not...really into all these high tech fancy gadgets. But Bandit talked about it once or twice. He used it to find all sorts of new places to eat. Well, cheat on his diet really."
Narrowing her eyes, Blisa heads to her open window. "Hey, Statler! Waldo! I've got an app for you to investigate....." The eagle has just met her match.
The fox raises an eyebrow. Technology. "Ugh, what happened to the days when we just sent letter pigeons? I trust you will want to keep the phone then?" Markus begins to step for the door. "I should...probably find out if Bandit had any next of kin...
Turning around, Blisa stares at the fox. "Yes, I want to keep it. Please, be careful. We don't know what this eagle might do next...."
Again, this is an OOC RP. Bandit is ICly fine, don't worry.
Thanks for reading!
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