DoraRose Strongheart's "The Birds": A Redwall Log (Yes, the pun was intentional. Yes, I've seen that movie. Brouhaha!)
Vandre room-pages, "Can't find many sound clips of gyr alarm calls, but here's a peregrine: [1] and [2] ".
Redwall Abbey Open Ground.
LilyMoore and Angela the mice and Riana the golden eagle and Nissaya the albino otter. Caleb the mouse. Vandre the gyrfalcon. Twiddle the robin. Thomas the mouse. Emyuil the mouse.
The Abbey's open ground is in a state of slight chaos. Riana has escaped the Infirmary and is now walking steadily towards the pond.
Angela is right behind, waving her staff irately. "Get back into the Infirm right now, ye overgrown feather duster!!" The eagle just ignores her.
LilyMoore comes wandering from the Belltower, her mouth open wide in awe and shock at the bird who is openly defying her great-grandmother.
Caleb watches the eagle from a distance and frowns. He is clearly unsure of weather the bird is safe to go near or not, so he keeps his distance.
Angela manages to get in front of the eagle. An albino otter slips out of the main Abbey building and approaches slowly, a huge quilt in his paws. The old mouse healer begins waving her staff under the bird's beak, which she clearly finds agitating. "Get back into the Infirm!" Riana hisses angrily and grabs ahold of the staff in her beak and yanks it out of Angela's paws. The mouse shakes her fist at the huge bird. "Ye big ormadorm, yer still injured! You're gonna 'urt yerself!" Riana shrugs her good shoulder, her right wing still bandaged and immobilized. LilyMoore walks over to her brother and goes to hold his paw. "She's huge!"
Caleb nods "There was another eagle around a few days ago. But he was a messenger."
It's a fine day, cold but clear. From the rooftops a beast can see clear across Mossflower, so of course that's where Vandre is perched. The pale northern falcon looks like a cloud roosting improbably low, but she certainly doesn't sound like one: when Riana goes charging across the grounds, the gyr emits a harsh wail of warning.
LilyMoore scoots a little closer to her twin brother. "I'm not sure I like this......" Angela places her fists on her hips, ignoring the falcon for now. "Give me back my staff, ye overgrown feather pillow!!" Riana the golden eagle tosses the staff into the pond. The albino otter, Nissaya, sighs, puts down the quilt, and wanders over to the body of water and proceeds to fish the staff out. The eagle glares down at the livid mouse healer. "You are an irritant, Poisoner. I am tired of your Infirm and your hideous....tonic things. I want fish! Now MOVE." She bats the old mouse Healer gently and sends her to a sitting position on the ground.
Caleb keeps an eye on where the birds are. He has not really seen a bird, well one like these, too very close up before so he does keep his distance and stays near his sister.
What a noisy Vandre! How dare that falcon make such noise around Twiddle's roost! From another part of the roof, Twiddle hops up to take a look (and shout a series of obscenities in the form of a beautiful song!) at the raptor. And then she sees... an eagle?! "Nonononono! Biggabirds alla go 'way! Ahem hem!" She takes to the air with fluttery wingbeats, an angry little featherball making a beeline for the larger birds. "Go go go! Twiddle gonna peck peck peck!"
Vandre's a loud call, the sort that easily carries for a mile. Worse, it's insistent, a guttural 'kaak kaak kaak' that rings in the ears and grates on the nerves. A moment ago the falcon's feathers were puffed out in relaxation; now they're raised in aggression as she yells and yells, hunched over and bobbing her head at Riana's movements. She arches her wings and shifts her weight, as if considering a more direct attack.
Oh, for the love of sanity. Angela stands up and yells in her most authoritative voice, "You 2! Up there! Git down 'ere afore I find the snake wot did this to this eagle and FEED ya to 'im!!" Riana sulks over to the pond, ignoring the other beasts. Closing her eyes, she tries to calm down. Lily goes to hug her brother in panic. "What is happening even?" is her slightly hysterical question.
Caleb smiles to try and calm Lilymoore and shrugs as , yeah no clue what to do about the birds,"Ummm...find the guards?"
Twiddle puffs up as she's yelled at by an Angela! "Groundbeast shaddup! Ahem, yes! This-a bird things! Stay outta bird things groundbeast!" And, she's fluttering about the scene now, staying airbourne mostly but hopping on and off landing and taking off. "Bigga birds go go go! Go 'way! Twiddle roosts here! Ahem yes! Bigga birds norra 'lowed!"
Wish granted, Angela. Vandre has had enough of the eagle's obliviousness; she lifts off with the snap of stiff primaries, circles once, and stoops, coming dangerously close to Riana's head. It's a dive calculated to just barely miss - a warning shot - and she's yelling all the while in her grating, metallic voice.
Thomas has decided this is a glorious fall day to take a stroll outside, using his staff as a guide. Rounding the corner from the back of the main abbey building, he strolls alongside the imposing structure, whistling a jaunty little tune. Ho! What's that commotion up ahead? All yelling and flapping... He slows his walk, not yet entirely sure just what he's about to walk into.
Riana has had enough of this. Snapping her amber eyes open, she rises to her full (and very impressive) hieght and goes to bat the falcon out of the sky with her good, healthy, and very strong left wing. "I am not wanting to fight in the Abbey, you stupid gyrfalcon! Leave me alone so I may fish in peace, you bone-headed, mash-brained idiotic excuse for a hunter!!" Nissaya comes back, dripping wet and carrying Angela's staff. Sighing, he hands it to her, grabs the quilt, and tries his best to throw it over the hyperactive little robin. Lily spots the blind mouse and shouts, "Brother Thomas! Don't come any closer!!"
"Bigga birds go a-WHEEEEE WHEEEE WHEEEE! TWEEEEEEE!" Suddenly, and startlingly, it's night time! Wait, no it isn't; Twiddle's being eaten by some giant soft-mouthed groundbeast! Her alarmed calls are louder, even than her shouting before and before she's fully trapped, then she's flapped and re-emerged from beneath the fabric. Her rage, now, is directed (for the moment) at Nissaya. "Gonna peck peck peck meddly groundbeast! Twiddle peckapeckapeck you away! Hem! Yes!" She's a flurry of feathers, little clawed feet, and pecky little, still sharp, beak as she launches herself at her attempted netter.
Thomas tilts his head, but does indeed stop. "What on earth is going on, child? Sounds like a veritable army of...birds? Yes... Birds. Good grief, what are they doing, fighting again? I'd recognize that little pip of a...Sparra? Robin? Hardly matters. Twiddle, as I recall, yes. She went postal on a falcon or hawk as I recall. Unstable little rip. Tsk, tsk." He shakes his head, disapprovingly.
Considerably smaller than Riana, the gyr has the advantage of agility, and has already wheeled away when the eagle makes to strike, calling obscenities in her native Bird. "Begone, eater of chicks! Thiyabi's red cliffs are not for such a [untranslatable] as you!" The breeze of Vandre's passing may ruffle fur as she cuts around in a tight circle for another, slightly more cautious not-quite-strike, testing Riana's defenses.
LilyMoore runs over to the blind mouse. "The...the.....I....." is about all she can stammer out, panic clearly seen on her face and heard in her voice. Angela starts trying to poke the robin with her staff as Nissa backs up, trying to not get clawed or pecked while still trying to trap the little bird under the quilt. Riana screeches and glares at the falcon, but so far makes no move to defend herself or anything.
Twiddle keeps flapping about and retreating to whichever side doesn't have a beast on the other end. At one point she even tries to perch /on/ the quilt momentarily. The ground beasts are succeeding in splitting the robin's attention though, and then Thomas calls her a 'Sparra'. "ROBIN! Twiddle norra Sparra! Ahem no! No no no! Groundbeast stoppit! Stoppa poke Twiddle!" Now she attempts to take the stick from Angela. It's clearly the most annoying thing currently.
"Now now, calm down, lass," Thomas says, "No need to get panicked. What you need to do is cook Twiddle into a...nice...pie..." He says that loud enough for all to hear. "I'm sure your Friar would be most happy to try out that new recipe I heard he found... Then, you let The rest of the birds feast upon the Twiddle Pie, unless, of course, Twiddle hushes up..."
With 'groundbeast' attention diverted towards Twiddle, Vandre is left free to harass Riana, and seems to have no intent of stopping. "Whose chicks are you to eat? Whose mate to kill, hey? These are most regrettable things! Begone!" she shouts, swooping over Riana's head from behind.
Emyuil runs out from the main Abbey building, seeing the chaotic three-way aerial conflict from inside, and moves to place himself between Angela and whatever bird is currently closest.
LilyMoore has started to cry. "Uncle Emmy!" Angela goes to hit her grandson very hard in the abdomen as she keeps the staff away from the (coughcrazycough) little bird. "GET OUT OF HERE, EMYUIL! I'm tryin' to get this little bird, an' I can't do it with you in the way! NOW MOVE, YE IRRITATIN' LITTLE SNOLLYGOSTER!" Nissa goes to throw the blanket ont he bird as she (probably) finally grabs a hold of the staff. Riana backs up, raising her left wing as she glares murderously at the gyrfalcon. "I AM NOT HERE TO HARM ANYONE you stupid little /sparrow/!" Oh ho, it's insult time. "I came for healing after I fought a snake named Ageless! Just leave me in peace, or I shall take you outside the walls and PLUCK YOUR FEATHERS OUT!!!"
Thomas raises his voice loudly. "SILENCE! ALL OF YOU! ENOUGH NAME CALLING, YOU'RE WORSE THAN A BUNCH OF TODDLERS!!"
Twiddle may have eaten pie but she still doesn't know what 'pie' actually is. The threat of Thomas's is thus lost upon her. "Gimme stick! Gimme pokeystick! Gonna poke-a-peck-a-poke alla groundbeasts! Leave Twiddle 'lone! Twiddle gonna fight-a bigga birds!" The stick is enough of a distraction for a moment that the quilt descends upon her. The sudden soft thing, again, doesn't calm her and there's much flapping and loud shrieking! If the edges aren't secured immediately, it's clear she's going to get out, and by the sounds of her shrieked threats, between her angry birdsong, it would be Thomas she'd be going for next! "WHEEE! NORRA LOUDER THAN TWIDDLE! TWIDDLESONG LOUDSONG! GONNA PECK PECK PECK ALLA BIRDANDBEAST! PECKA PIEMOUSE GO BYE! TWEEEEE!"
Emyuil ducks out of the way, avoiding his grandmother's blow, thankfully, and dodges over to Lily instead. "Are you all right?" he demands a bit more brusquely than he intended, followed by a shout to Twiddle of "Oi! Bird! Shut your face!"
"Ho! Empty threats and insults from the young!" Vandre's talons threaten to clip Riana's wing on her next pass. She angles upward and stalls, lighting on the roof of the belltower to ready her next strike and catch her breath. "If came you for healing, why are you not in the smallbeasts' crag for that purpose, hey?"
Vandre exclaims, "Perhaps you are healed enough, and now hunger! Begone!"
Riana points at Angela. "I'm trying to escape from her! She's a Poisoner, with her.....tonics and stuff! She won't stop making me drink these nasty tasting things that taste like....like.....SHUT YOUR BEAK!!" Angela and Nissaya flop down on the edges of the quilt, doing their hardest and best to keep the irate-seeming little bird under the blanket, where she can't hurt anyone. Lily starts sobbing, covering her eyes with her paws. She seems terrified of what's going on right now.
Thomas is quite calm, actually. Birds, schmirds. "Well, is that Twiddle rip under control now? I do hope so, nasty mouth she's got, you know. Anyway..." He seems to give no thought to the other two birds fighting.
The blanket-trapped bird lump doesn't seem to be running out of energy any time soon, and the quilt, though it keeps her trapped, is almost certainly going to be entirely ruined by her talons and beak pecking and poking holes in between the tiny bird screaming obscenities- in both bird and common tongue- and calling every bird and beast present more than a few names that any younger beasts should probably not be hearing.
Emyuil growls. "Lily, go inside," he instructs. He storms over to the lump of bird.
"You better shut up," he growls. "Or the Half-Rat will dine on robin's wings tonight."
"Twiddle Pie," Thomas interjects.
"Poison! Pfah!" scoffs the gyr, though she does give Angela brief, dubious look. "Thiyabi's smallbeasts would call such a beast most regrettable, and no such things have been spoken yet!" Emyuil's words are a brief distraction. "Ho! Know you not the ways of the Thiyabi, smallbeast? To eat of another beast is most regrettable! So many have said, many times!" If it wasn't, she would be doing it.
Riana waves her wing around, interjecting herself into the conversation between the gyrfalcon and the self-proclaimed Half-Rat. "And that's why I'm not hunting here! Why can't you just leave me alone, for the sake of sanity?!!" Angela glares up at her grandson. "Emyuil. Shut yer trap and go comfort your niece. If you say one word, JUST ONE WORD, more, I will disown you until 'Rose gets back and can deal with you. I will not tolerate beasts meddlin' in my work without permission. Now begone and do something useful!" In a calmer moment, the old Healer would have /never/ said that, but she is very, very angry right now, so it's hard for her to think straight. Lily does the mature thing and hides behind the blind guy, sobbing in fear, to scared to listen to anyone's advice. Nissa goes to rap the robin on the head sharply through the quilt. "Hush, you, please. If you were calm and acting like a guest of the Abbey, there would be no need for this."
"Rattaworm no scare Twiddle! Let Twiddle out! Twiddle peck-a-peck PECK! Twiddle pecka ratworm go-a-bye! Shout a SHOUT SHOUT SHOUT!" Twiddle responds to the beast she hears outside the blanket- Emuyil- by continuing to shout and shouting louder. And then she's right back to shouting every bird and common tongue obscenity and bad name she can think of. Somewhere around 'dropping-faced-ratworm!' she also starts threatening to pull off wings, feathers, fur, tails, beaks, and eyes alongside her name calling. Vandre's voice, even though it's in her favor, apparently, gets a 'Shaddup bigga-bird! Twiddle fight own battle!' and then she's rapped on the head! This has /entirely/ the opposite effect of the intended, most likely. Now Twiddle is /incomprehensible/ in her loudest song-shouting yet! There has been violence done and she must seek vengeance! The thrashing of the bird lump intensifies...
Emyuil looks genuinely hurt when Angela threatens to disown him, muttering, "We'll talk later," venomously and heads over to Lily, whispering soothing things to her as best she can.
Thomas likewise turns to the crying maid behind him. "There now, Lass, no need for tears. What you need is a nice spot of tea, yes? How about it?"
"You are not hunting -now!- What of the strike I saw you deal the smallbeast with the staff, hey?" Vandre retorts, angling her wings forward as if to launch again. Seems she's had enough of a rest!
Vandre exclaims, "My eyes miss nothing!"
"SHE WAS THREATENING ME WITH IT! IT WAS SELF-DEFENCE!" Riana hides under a clump of trees, where it will be nigh-on impossible to attack from the air. "Just leave me alone....please?" this may or may not be the first time the eagle has ever used the word 'please'. Angela ignores her grandson and instead goes to spank the little bird on what she judges is the robin's flank equivalent. "Shuddap, yes stupid little feather duster!" She mutters something that sounds like a cuss word, but it's hard to tell because it's in a different language. Nissaya just sighs and decides to not alert the robin to the fact that he's an otter. Lily starts shaking her head uncontrollably. "B...b....bir.....birds f....fighting......s.....sc.....scare.....scared......"
Emyuil crouches next to Lily and goes to wrap his arms around her tightly. "You're gonna be okay," he whispers gently. "It's gonna be over soon."
The little bird /shrieks/ and whirls under the blanket. More violence is being done and she's trapped under some ridiculous groundbeast trap! "TERWEEEE! TWEEEE! WEEEE! LEDDA TWIDDLE OUT! SNEAKIN' GROUNDBEASTS NORRA FIGHT FAIR! WORMTAIL COWARD GROUNDBEASTS! LEDDA TWIDDLE OUT! PECK PECK PECK ALLA GROUNDBEASTS!"
Thomas sighs. "Can somebeast put that Twiddle out of its misery for me? It's giving me a headache..."
"Self-defense, you, so many times her size? Pfah! She is a nothing to your talons or mine!" Still, the eagle has been driven to ground. Sensing submission in the bigger bird's posture and tone, Vandre quiets, which is to say drops from ear-blasting screams to her usual overly bombastic boom. Riana is not, however, glared at with any less distrust. The falcon does spare some attention now for the Twiddle pie in the making, but her head whips toward Riana every few seconds, as if the eagle might commit some treachery if left unwatched for too long. "Smallbeasts!" she calls. "Are you actually going to eat that smallbird?" She sounds a bit hopeful, like someone eyeing up the last slice of pie.
"TWIDDLE WILL PECK-A-BITE ALLA TONGUES!" Comes a blanket-bird declaration.
"Friar Lacota learned of a pie recipe that requires four and twenty blackbirds," is Thomas' reply, "But I figure Twiddle will be good enough substitute..."
LilyMoore allows her uncle to hug her as she just sobs. She's crying so hard it's jolting her entire body, and she is barely making a sound. She goes to cling to her uncle as tightly as she can, her muscular arms tight with fear. Riana sighs with relief and settles down, deciding to plot how best to get her revenge on the irritating falcon... Nissaya sighs and says gently, "If you calm down and stop threatening us, we'll let you go." Angela glares at the gyrfalcon. "This is Redwall! The only beasts we eat are fish and shrimp. Why do we 'ave such bloodthirsty beasts 'ere? And with Leon gone, too....."
Emyuil holds Lily close to him, his strong arms protectively surrounding his niece. "It's gonna be okay. Want to go inside?"
"So I am told, hey? But they sound very sure." Vandre bobs her head at the beasts gathered around the foul-mouthed blanket, considering. "Ah! But perhaps it is not a beast of Thiyabi who will eat this pie?"
"TWIDDLE NORRA STOP! TWIDDLE HAS BEEN WRONGED! TWIDDLE TAKE REVENGE! MUCH PECKS! GROUNDBEAST FEEL MIGHTYBIRD WRATH!" Comes the reply from under the blanket at the suggestion she stop threatening the beasts who have trapped her... And hit her... It is a matter of smallbird honor! She cannot look /weak/! And especially not in front of /biggabirds/! The quilt gains several new violently poked holes, and there's a tearing sound, though it doesn't seem like she can rip her way through it a least.
LilyMoore nods in a wobbly fashion. Nissaya sighs and goes to just lean on the bird, not enough to squish her, but definitely enough to immobilize her. Angela glares at the falcon. "No! She's not gonna be a pie! The worst that'll 'appen to 'er is I'll lock 'er in a closet until the Abbot can deal with her." Riana clacks her beak. "Oh, please, just feed the robin to the falcon and make them both shut /up/."
Emyuil stands up and goes to wrap his paw around Lily's and lead her inside. He tries to maintain that paw contact as they move, to reassure her.
Soon he's inside, and out of the scene.
"/YOU/ shaddup biggabird!" Twiddle pipes up at Riana from beneath the quilt. There's a puffy-squeak as the otter immobilizes her under the blanket. "TWIDDLE NORRA GONNA CLOSET! FILTHY GROUNDBEAST!" No /way/ is Twiddle going in a closet! Whatever a 'closet' is... "BRING ABBUTTBEANER! ABBOTBEANER FEED TWIDDLE! TWIDDLE ALLY!"
"Why say so many times, then? Are the smallbeasts of Thiyabi not creatures of word, given to empty threats?" Vandre stands up straighter to get a better look at Angela; her tone is inquisitive, not accusatory. "If you say you will eat someone, you should eat them. It is much less confusing."
"TWIDDLE EAT /YOU/ BIGGABIRD!" The robin retorts, directed at Vandre now.
Vandre fails to dignify such a ridiculous assertion with a response.
"I guess those 2 are just full o' empty threats. /I/, however," growls Angela [as she turns back to the robin], "WILL lock you in a closet until the Abbot /Benar/ can deal with you." Riana sighs. "Little bird, if we were not in the Abbey, I would have killed you by now for your insolence." Lily allows herself to be led off by her uncle. Nissaya starts trying to wrap the little bird in the blanket so she literally can't move.
"BIGGABIRD NORRA KILL TWIDDLE! TWIDDLE SHOUTA PECKA BIGGA BIRDS ALLAWAY! PECK PECK PECK! NORRA BEAT TWIDDLE!" The little robin insists, somewhat absurdly as she's currently being /wrapped/ up. Her beak clacks and her claws peddle, trying to stop the otter, but mostly only ruining the quilt further.
Vandre watches from the belltower for now, tilting her head this way and that. The falcon's aggression has given over to her basic curiosity about everything the Abbey beasts do, including the strange way they contain Twiddle. "So without talons or wings, they must do it so clumsily! I see!" she comments, mostly to herself.
Thomas starts to putter off again, the stand off seemingly at an end.
Riana shakes her head. "I don't see how these odd little groundlings can /do/ things without talons or wings. You're right, they are very clumsy." Yawning, she settles down and decides to take a nap out here, under her clump of trees. Nissaya continues to try and wrap up the annoying little robin. If/when he succeeds, he'll try to take her into the Infirmary and lock her in a broom closet until somebeast can get either the Abbot or the Champion [to] come get her. Of course, she could escape. Or die. Or something. Because dealings with birds are always a bit of a gamble. The probabilities are all over the map. Angela stands, grabs her staff, and hobbles off to check on her great-granddaughter.
And... as soon as she's free from the quilt, Twiddle plans on breaking /everything/ she can. The bird will be locked into the closet, but for how long? She won't stay past the first time someone opens the door. And she shrieks and threatens everyone all the way...
Thanks for reading!
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